Tonight was a good night. After an evening of conversations over manicures, dinner and ice-cream, we crawled into my bed and listened to music together. We didn't really talk, just enjoyed. I looked over at my sweet girl with her eyes closed, her head bobbin' back and forth to the beats, a smile on her face... and I saw myself.
We've always bonded over music. I love taking her to different local shows, seeing her enjoy it as much as I do. Every genre is appreciated with us, listening to whatever fits our situation for the moment. There have been times I haven't had the right words to comfort her and the only way I knew how to help was to put on a song that I felt she needed to hear. My song for her has been "I'm There Too" by Michelle Featherstone. I will never forget the story behind the first time I shared this song with her, but it's a special memory I like to keep to myself.
Tonight I showed her a few new songs that I hadn't shared with her yet. She stopped in the middle of a song and said, "I love this. I love listening to music with you. These are the moments I will always remember, that I'll share with my kids when they ask about my favorite times with you". It made me smile. We started reminiscing over different songs and the memories that we've attached to them. Like I said, it was a good night.
J- this was an amazing entry! It brought chills... You are an amazing person, mother and friend. I think you have carried so much of it, hiding it, being the strong woman... I can say this because you and I are a lot alike when it comes to emotions. "I'm a tough woman and can take care of things, etc etc" Isn't it amazing that finally when we let go, and face what we tried to ignore all of these years, little lessons, the feeling of love and acceptance from other and from our self is what we get out of letting go! I am reading an amazing book, actually read a chapter on self misery last night. Sounds depressing I know but it had some amazing things: "Try to understand your misery. Life it, go to the very depth of it, find out the cause, why it is there. Let understanding be your meditation". Going to the group was a hard step.. trust me I have taken that step into group many times! You are ready to go to the very depth of what has caused pain over the years. Right now, you may seem weak, allowing tears to fall. I have learned that tears is a sign of freedom, of power of allowing yourself the right to feel the way you feel. However, Right now Abby sees you as a stronger woman/mother than any other time! You are amazing and I am so grateful and blessed to have met you and have you as a dear friend! This journey called life, is an amazing one. A new lesson everyday! The past year has been an amazing soul searching year for me.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know.. your blog is awesome and you and Ab are definitely a blessing to have as friends in my life!