A Change In Roles

Tonight I took another step towards improvement, not so much for myself, but in support of our situation.  I knew I was uncomfortable before we entered the room, but I wasn't prepared at all for what would happen.  I had prepared myself with an open mind, but it was my heart that unexpectedly opened.


When asked to share, I was caught off guard.  Years of emotion came pouring out of me.  I found myself uncomfortable and crying in front of strangers, faces I'd never seen before and didn't know if I'd ever see again.  I seldom looked up but when I did, I saw eyes of empathy and understanding.  As I shared our situation and what has become our life, my daughter held my hand, giving me an occasional squeeze in support.  Through the touch of her tiny hand, I could feel her empowering strength and perfectly innocent love. I knew SHE WAS THERE.  I realized she was there for me.  My whole intent of going was to be there as a support for her, yet the roles had quickly changed.  My initial reaction of course, was to shut off my crybaby waterworks and pull myself together, but I continued on, sharing our story.  I realized that I needed to let her be there for me in this moment.  Not only did I need this, but she needed it.  She needed to see me not just as her mother, but as Janni, a person that too has been affected by this situation.  I began to share more of my story and less of our story, a story that unexpectedly yet apparently needed sharing.


I am truly beyond blessed to have my daughter.  She is the perfect balance of everything... boundaries yet hope, tears yet faith, strength yet heart.  Thank you for being my strength tonight.  I love you!

"The greatest weakness of all weaknesses is to fear too much to appear weak."

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. 

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."